Tangy, Existential Orange Plant Recipe

Dear readers of written words and tautologies,

For those of you who do not know me, orange is my least favorite color. In light of this fact, hopefully, this recipe will make more sense.

Don't worry, you will not have to read a weird unrelated backstory before reaching the recipe. Mostly due to the fact that there is no recipe and no backstory. In fact, this post is kind of the combination of the two, which makes it all the more unbearable to read.

Most recipes have a topic and they stay on track with the subject. It is very important that we leave the track and explore other avenues of thought. This will allow us to procrastinate on the actual duties our minds are to fulfill.

Picking Ripe Oranges

After soaking for three hours, and the water is at an uncomfortable cool, strain and rinse. As for the oranges, they are tangy as a trait, so they already exist as being tangy. If the orange is furry, it will be all the tangier. The fur helps to protect the orange peel against sweet dreams entering the orange. This is an important note because if pleasant visions were to infiltrate the orange's skin, it could possibly irritate the limonene molecules and emit a sweet scent. This would disrupt the tanginess of our recipe, so it is preferred that you pick an orange with fur. If the orange has eyes, a nose, and whiskers in addition to fur, the orange is actually a mouse head, which is also tangy, so it is an acceptable substitution for our recipe.

Bake for seven years under the sun. Using the sun instead of an oven will create a more natural flavor. It will also expose your dish to the other flavors of the natural elements such as crispy wind, sweet pollen, and toxic pollution. You will know when your dish is fully baked when a nice golden halo of about twenty feet in circumference encircles the orange.

Remove the orange from the sun and wait about two minutes before consuming it. This dish is best enjoyed while sitting in an ice bath under the shade of a tree or overhanging rock. Leftovers can be refrigerated for up to two days or frozen for eternity. To reheat, simply drag orange across the concrete and the friction will provide a natural heat and prevent the sogginess that would ensue should you use a microwave to reheat your dish.

This recipe makes about twelve grams of food and is about sixty to eighty kilocalories. This recipe serves zero people because oranges are selfish and serve no one.

Thank you,

Piper